Publish and be Damned

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A while back I gave my reasons for not publishing Magic by Button in my blog Pearls for Trolls.
While there were a few sighs of relief that the world was going to be spared another tawdry tale, there was mostly indifference. I had a few urging me to publish, but mostly my decision was respected.
My resolve certainly helped to overcome my fears and finish the story to my own satisfaction, but it has not helped my self-image in the least. The inner voices have mocked the fragility of my ego and labelled me a coward.
It’s not going to set the world on fire, or redefine me to those who consider me talentless or worse. It’s not great literature. It’s riddled with flaws. But it is a unique and honest expression of my own inner truth and it is, I believe, entertaining.
In it I share revelations that have literally blown my mind. I honestly believe that the narrative does sneak past the rational mind and share observations that we are normally oblivious to. Like how all life and consciousness is connected, a part of the planet. And how cataclysms and disasters are part of the growth cycle. It also begins to address how magic and a functional mythology are essential to our well being, without resorting to superstitious nonsense.
I believe writing has helped heal what was broken in me. If there is even the slightest chance these revelations might help others, I feel obliged to publish.
In the back of my mind I accuse myself of game playing. As if I planned to publish all along. It’s true, part of me did. But if it was game playing, it was necessary to get past my inner conflict.  I needed to finish the story unhindered by worries of how the trolls would use it to attack.
So sorry for wasting your time with my insecurities. And when I publish, don’t feel obliged to handle me with kid gloves. If you want to pull my story apart, do so.
I hope some will see the good in it.

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